Pleasuring Your Partner

How To Give A Sensual Massage To Pleasure Your Partner

Sensual massage is a wonderful process which can get you back in touch with the good feelings which you can enjoy from your body.

We tend to lose sight of the fact that our skin is the outermost and very sensitive covering of our bodies. We can use that fact to gain a lot of pleasure: being touched by our partners in a non-sexual way can be a very enjoyable experience!

Sensual massage implies that you are not focused on sex, that you are just going to enjoy the physical pleasure of being touched in a loving and gentle way by your partner.

This is very enjoyable, but it also reinforces the emotional connection between you and your partner. Such things can of course speed up a process of growing closer and even falling in love with each other. It can help in making you feel bonded, emotionally close and loving towards each other.

Sensual implies something that is non-sexual, non-genital, and that’s exactly how you can approach the practice of sensual massage.

Although this isn’t necessarily sexual, it’s definitely sensual: being able to give someone a relaxation massage is a wonderful skill. In the case of a lover can be wonderful prelude to sexual connection. 

There’s no shortage of books and classes on how to give someone a relaxing full-body massage, but here are a few basic tips:

  • A massage table makes things much easier for the person giving the massage, as well as more relaxing for the person receiving it. They aren’t that expensive.
  • Use almond oil, grape seed oil or similar as a massage base oil; any good health food or holistic shop should be able to offer a great selection of wonderful massage oils. Use a small squeeze bottle that won’t spill.
  • Don’t let your partner get cold: having a sheet on top of the massage table, while they’re lying underneath a second sheet and perhaps a thin blanket, is a good idea (they can stay mostly covered up except for where you’re working). Alternatively, you can crank the heat in the room way up, or more luxuriously yet put the massage table in front of a fireplace with the room lights dimmed. Mood is everything!
  • Confident touch is good touch.
  • For long gliding strokes down the back, lean into them a bit with your body weight rather than depending up upper arm strength: the result is smoother, and feels more reassuring to the person receiving the massage.
  • Particularly if your partner has long hair, or spends a lot of time on their feet, giving them a scalp massage or massaging their feet may provide an experience so pleasurable that it’s almost erotic – and no massage table is required.

In general, the feeling of relaxation you get after a good full-body massage from your partner isn’t that different from the feeling of relaxation you get after sex with your partner. In each case the body’s basic need for touch, which is a basic human need, is being satisfied.

It’s always important to exchange information so that you know what your partner is feeling, and what is good for them and what isn’t.

This communication doesn’t need to be extensive – it can be just be single words like good, harder, softer, slower, deeper, that’s good, and so on. This means the person massaging knows what to do and the person receiving is getting the experience they want.

If the person massaging is unsure about what they are doing, they can say: “How’s that?” By being more in touch with each other’s needs and wishes, the massage is more likely to be beneficial.

After you have had a few sessions, include the more sexual areas of the body – buttocks and breasts, but only by mutual consent.

As you progress, grow more comfortable about giving and receiving, and get to know each other’s bodies better, you can include the genital region. Again this is not compulsory, and remember all of the massage you give and receive is by mutual consent.

The objective is not to get sexually aroused – it’s about pleasuring each other through touch (and we don’t mean sexually pleasuring! No orgasms are involved – at least, not at this stage of the process!)

If you are receiving, then focus on receiving. Don’t let concerns about the comfort or convenience of the person massaging you affect how you enjoy this process – their comfort is their concern, and they can look after themselves.

You can keep your attention on your feelings, your experiences and the sensations you are receiving as they massage you.

If this doesn’t work for you, in the sense that you feel agitated when you are massaging your partner, it may be that you are focusing too much on their pleasure.

Try massaging them from your own viewpoint – in other words, do what feels good to you as the massager.

When you remove the pressure of pleasing your partner (especially if you have added pressure because you don’t know exactly what they want) and start thinking more about giving them what feels good, you are more likely to enjoy massaging, and give a better massage.

If you feel anxious, stressed, tired, distracted or grumpy, then it is probably not such a good idea to offer a massage nor to accept one. However, it’s possible that focusing on the massage will take you away from your concerns, and allow you to relax into a better frame of mind.

For the man who wants to pleasure a woman 

Being able to pleasure your partner develops her capacity to enjoy orgasms. It will allow you to experience sexual pleasure at the same time, too, which will lead her to a much richer enjoyment of sexual connection.

Being able to pleasure a woman reliably is obviously a desirable sexual skill for a man.

If you are willing to pleasure her instead of enjoy sex with her, this will increase the likelihood of her being able to focus on her own needs, rather than worrying about whether or not you are sexually satisfied!

At the same time, because you won’t be having sex, you don’t have to worry about whether or not you will be able to “give her an orgasm”.

The responsibility for her pleasure ultimately lies with her. However, culturally, men are conditioned to believe that somehow they are responsible for pleasuring a woman.

Furthermore, you will probably be surprised how much you enjoy the sensuous massage, which may just mean enjoying touch and physical closeness, not necessarily sex.

For the woman:

What are orgasms all about? Check out the function of the female orgasm here.

Make sure that you are whole-hearted about having your man enjoy pleasuring you, especially if you are sharing the experience with him. The fact that you aren’t having intercourse with him is a choice, and you need to be committed to that choice.

There is the possibility that he may not wish to pleasure himself. Men can often accept this situation just as it is, in other words, that not having intercourse and not having orgasms is acceptable for him – because he gets pleasure from seeing his woman fulfilled. This is a loving act!

However, if you are pleasuring your man to orgasm, it’s important that you feel happy and willing to do this, and that you’re not feeling pressured or coerced.  The short way to deal with this is for you to be genuinely happy to receive, knowing you can provide sexual pleasure for him, whatever form that takes, later. 

If you are truly happy and relaxed about doing this, completely lacking in resentment, and feeling pleased that he is getting pleasure in this way, your love for him may grow stronger.

To both of you:

The sensuous massage experience, both giving and receiving, are well worth incorporating into your life. Such physical contact through massage can provide added closeness and emotional connection between a couple. It certainly will enhance your relationship and deepen your love.