Why Men Fall In Love

Love Is The Greatest Thing….

I guess we would all like to believe that love is something magical that comes out of thin air, surprising us when we meet our ideal partner, and giving us the perfect partner with whom we can live happily ever after.

But the reality, of course, is somewhat different. At the biological level, we know that falling in love and feeling love are due to chemical changes in the brain.

When a man falls in love with you, hormones and brain chemicals such as dopamine, endorphins and testosterone flood your brain, predisposing you to see other people as more attractive, and perhaps even causing you to bond with them.

But if you’re a woman, trying to find out how to make a man fall in love with you, one thing’s for sure – you’re not going to be conscious of your brain chemicals making you fall in love! What matters is what you feel –  a sense of intimacy, satisfaction, connection, friendship…. and, dare I say it, perhaps even love.

But how do people fall in love?

More to the point, how do you know when a man is in love with you? Can you even set out to make a friend fall in love with you, by some conscious act of intention?

These are serious questions for every woman who wants to have a relationship with a man based on love and trust. So let’s see if we can find out exactly what is required for a man to fall in love with you, and what signs you might pick up which show he is falling in love with you.

One: Intimacy and Connection

What we mean by intimacy varies from person to person, but you may well have your own definition of intimacy, and  almost certainly you know exactly what it means for you – and that’s just as well, because intimacy is the foundation upon which a loving relationship is built.

Video – intimacy

Basically, for most people intimacy is a sense of emotional connection which somehow conveys the impression that the person with whom you’re in relationship understands you, can support you, knows how you’re feeling, and is willing to stand by your side. You might want to add your own experience of intimacy to that list!

Two: Good Sex

This is slightly controversial, because good sex tends to come after a couple have connected emotionally rather than before!

But we do know that good sex causes dopamine levels in the brain to increase, and when dopamine in the brain increases, you get that “loving feeling”!

The conclusion is inevitable: great sex can help a man to fall in love with you. Sure, this isn’t the only way guys fall in love, but it’s worth remembering that sex helps him feel loving. And in any event, great orgasms are always fun,  even if they don’t lead to a loving relationship!

Three: You Support Him

Again, like all these concepts, what “support” means for you is probably different to what it means for the next woman, but you probably would agree that support, i.e. standing by somebody’s side and “being there for them”, is definitely something to do with love and connection.

(Unless it’s to do with obligation, which is a completely different human dynamic – as you may well know, if you’ve supported your aged parents from a sense of obligation rather than love.)

There’s a serious point here, though, which is simply to ask yourself why you would ever consider standing alongside and supporting somebody who was not returning the energy?

Although love and connection and friendship are different aspects of the same emotion, each contains some desire to feel supported by a life partner. This may be someone we can trust, someone who’s going to make us feel comfortable, someone who relies on us in some way to feel safe in the world.

Video – How To Make A Relationship Last 

And sure, support manifests itself in many different ways: it might even be as dramatic as the woman being the person in the relationship who is earning the money and supporting the man financially while he stays at home to look after the kids.

Sure, that wouldn’t be normal in our society, but what the heck does that matter? As long as the dynamics of support in your relationship are clear, and satisfactory to you both, then a high level of trust will undoubtedly develop, and eventually underpin your relationship: then you’ll know that each of you will back the other up.

And it’s worth mentioning that in such a situation it’s a lot less likely that either partner will be unfaithful.

Implicit in a relationship where  trust is high is a commitment to encourage your partner always to do better, to be a better person, and to engage with the challenge of constantly increasing his or her personal standards and stepping more and more into their own power.

As a woman, do you believe this is all a part of knowing how to make a man fall in love with you? Because it is, in the sense that these things are part of what “makes a man a man” and part of what “makes a woman a woman”. And all male-female relationships are based on complementary strengths in different areas of personality.

Four: He Supports You

For you to have a relationship of strength and equality, it’s necessary that both partners support each other. You may even find this mutual support essential for good emotional health.  

That’s because men want to be the provider, to support, to provide for their loved one. And let’s not evade the fact that there are two primal urges in humans:  a man wants to look after a woman and provide for her;  a woman, at some level, wants to be cared for by a man.

My experience working with people over many years suggests that when we allow these primal urges and feelings and desires to be felt by ourselves and met by another person, something which feels remarkably like love can begin to emerge.

Five: You Are His Ideal Mate

Could you consider the possibility that one aspect of what makes a man fall in love with a woman (you?) is the fact that you are just right for him?

We all know it’s easy to fall in love, and I’m sure of each and every one of us has had plenty of experiences of falling in love with somebody who couldn’t possibly have been right for us.

Once the romantic phase of a relationship is over,  we readjust our perspective and then we understand that the first romantic flush of a new relationship is an idealistic phase….. one in which we see our partner through the distorting lenses of love.

Idealization Must End Sometime!

So what keeps people together in relationship, long term, after the idealization has ended? The first thing is simple: Are you still loving each other? Do you know how to make a man love you forever?

Each of us could probably connect with many different partners, in many different ways, but perhaps the definition of a satisfactory loving relationship is that it fulfils the majority of a person’s needs around connection.

In other words, for a man to fall in love with you, you have to be the woman who fulfils most of his expectations and needs in the arena of love – certainly more than the next woman.

And what about the reverse situation? What makes a man fall in love with you? Simple. It’s probably the same dynamic – you have to be the woman who has more of what he needs and wants than any other woman.

Bear in mind that it’s precisely this – the things which somebody wants in a relationship – that makes a man or woman unique in terms of how attractive to you they are. And that attraction “gets you together”….. and then, maybe, you will fall in love.

We fall in love because at the root of the mating and dating game, we have a desire to seek out somebody who fulfils our needs and meets our expectations.

It’s almost like having two pieces of a puzzle which fit together so perfectly that it seems as if “it’s meant to be”. As women often say, now I know how to make a man fall in love with you! At least, that’s how it feels to the people involved.