If you’re wondering how to make a man fall in love with you, here are some simple techniques that can help him see how wonderful you are!
The Look of Love
Giving a guy the eye is the first step to indicating you’re interested in what he has to offer. (By the way, that’s true whether he’s making the move or you’re making the move.)
The female gaze always catches a man’s attention!
So if you want to make a guy fall in love with you, remember the saying that “the eyes are the gateway to the soul”. Indeed they are: a study by a Harvard professor back in the 1970s discovered that locking eyes with a man isn’t just an indication of interest – it’s a symbol of love. And this means that if you catch and hold a man’s gaze, you can make him feel a sense of intimacy, connection, even love, with you.
Apparently lovers spend around 75% of their time in conversation looking at each other, which is much higher – more than double – the amount of time non-lovers spend looking straight into each other’s eyes.
So it follows that if you spend time looking into a man’s eyes, you’re giving him an experience he’d have if he was in love with someone (you, maybe). That’s an association you can’t ignore! In fact eye contact is so important in making people fall in love that we’ll look at it in a completely separate post.
More Similar Than Different
Like I said above, one of the reasons people fall in love is because they have things in common. So if you focus on the ways in which you are similar to the man you love (or want to love), it’ll help you feel closer to him, it will certainly make him feel closer to you, and it might even make him fall in love with you!
Without knowing it, we all tend to mix with people who have similar interests and backgrounds – even people with similar facial expressions. You see, it’s been demonstrated that people use facial appearance as a way of assessing personality and deciding whether or not somebody is like them. This shows how strongly we are programmed to seek out those who are compatible with us.
So the more you can make a man feel he is in the company of someone who understands him and has similar interests, the more attracted he’ll be to you. We all prefer people who are similar to ourselves.
The thing is, though, in your efforts to get a man to love you, don’t go completely over the top here, and start pretending to be interested in something that fascinates your man, when in fact you find it utterly boring!
You need to be genuine, and maintain a balance between trying to please a man and show your interest in what he does, and maintaining your own identity. Of course, you could always invite him to try the things you’re interested in. You might both learn something new and exciting!
Spend Time Together
It seems like a cliché, doesn’t it? But spending time together really can be a catalyst for developing mutual interest and affection – if not outright love.
The old saying “familiarity breeds contempt” only really applies if you don’t like someone in the first place; and if a man doesn’t like you, or want to spend any time with you, you’ll sense that straight away. (You wouldn’t waste your time, would you?)
And presumably if a guy’s interested in spending time with you, the more time he spends with you, the better the chance of love growing!
Having said that, you all know one of the “feminine wiles”, one which has been recommended many times: to keep a man hungry for you – in other words, to ration the number of times you see him, and to fill your life with your own interests which can occupy you (for example – your friends and family).
This “limiting” isn’t the kind of petty game-playing described in that popular book The Rules a few years back – which were basically nothing more than manipulative strategies – it’s about piquing a man’s interest by being a little less available than you previously were.
I think all women know this is provocative, and will make a a man redouble his efforts to win you over – it’s one of the oldest interactions in romantic relationships between a man and a woman. And if a guy really likes you, he’s going to love chasing you and seducing you.
Men Want To Be Appreciated for What They Can Do
And the way you can use this to your advantage when you’re learning how to make a guy want you is to ask him for help.
Almost anyone feels better when they help someone else solve a problem, but men particularly like to do this because it’s a basic male “program”: men are fixers, problem solvers, and advisers by nature.
If you give a man the opportunity to demonstrate those skills, from something as small as opening a jam jar to shifting a bed, to something major like fixing your broken down car, he’s going to develop a warm feeling towards you. At least, he is if you appreciate him and respect him for it. Respecting a man is key to making him fall in love with you.
And really, no matter how fiercely independent you want to be, or how feminist you feel about the idea of a woman’s problem being solved by a man, the truth of the matter is that this helps both of you to feel better, and it deepens the sense of connection between you.
Be Confident and Powerful
As a strong independent woman, you know the value of being confident and powerful in a world that even nowadays is mostly run by men.
And interestingly enough, most men don’t want a woman who’s needy or dependent. What they want is a confident woman who can stand on her own two feet, is strong and confident, and won’t collapse into a snivelling heap at the first sign of trouble.
(Sure, some guys like needy women, as you know, but that’s probably more about needing to feel needed than anything else, which is completely different from the satisfaction of being able to solve a problem!)
If you’re interested in nabbing a man who is as confident as you are, then act confident and you’ll be very attractive to him. In fact, I’d say this is probably one of the things that will make a man fall in love with you quickest.
Make Each Other Feel Great
If you leave someone feeling great and you feel great yourself, you’re well on the way to wanting to be with them all the time. One of the best ways to develop these feelings is to share laughter. You probably know that.
But what you might not know is that men feel great when they make a woman laugh – it’s a real self-esteem thing for a man to be able to amuse a woman and make her laugh.
So, laugh with him and you’re well on the way to having him fall in love with you.
Where Does Friendship Come into This?
A question for you: what would be the best basis for a good relationship – a loving relationship – for you?
Would it be where the man is demonstrating all he knows about how to please you? (After all, some men do spend their lives trying to find out how to please a woman!)
Would it be where you’re emotionally dependent on your man, and love takes the form of needy dependency?
No, of course it wouldn’t be anything of the kind! It would be a relationship where your partner is your best friend – a trusted, loving companion, with whom you can share anything, and with whom you can communicate openly and honestly.
This is where all those books like The Rules and The Game fall flat on their faces, so to speak! They’re just full of manipulative strategies, such as playing hard to get, teasing a man, feigning interest in the things that he likes to do, and more, all of which may build a kind of temporary interest and perhaps even a sort of love, but in the long term are destined to fail because there is no substantial basis to the relationship. This is not the way to make a man fall in love with you!
So if you don’t know what friendship is, here are some clues: being supportive, listening to him without criticism or judgment, making him laugh, helping him to feel good about himself and life in general – in short, being a trusted and trustworthy companion.
These are things that will make a guy fall in love with you. (And in fact, they just as true for teenagers and older people – so if you’re a teenager reading this, and you want to make a boy fall in love with you, the same things are true for boys as they are for men!)
Fact: the more a man values you, the more he’s going to love you.
But What Does Love Mean?
Hopefully you have some clear ideas for yourself about what falling in love, wanting to fall in love, and being in love with a man means for you.
But bear in mind that no matter how attractive you find him, if you don’t actually love him, why would you expect him to love you back?
Sometimes people mistake “needing” or “wanting” someone with “being in love” with them. Not knowing what love is? Yes, it’s common enough not to understand love: many people don’t really know how to make a man fall in love with them because they don’t really know what love is.
In the course of counseling hundreds of clients over many years, I’ve come across a lot of people who don’t really understand the meaning of love, who are not sure that they’ve ever actually experienced it.
So if you’re in that situation, ask yourself how you really feel about the man you want to love you.
Do you value him and appreciate that he’s in your life – not because of what he can do, but because of who he is? Do you accept him without judgment or criticism?
Men hate being judged, just as women do, so a woman who is constantly offering her negative opinions about what a man does (and who he is) will not induce many feelings of love!
The ultimate test of love is really all about friendship. If you want to know how to make a man love you, do you think he could be your best friend too? Someone who will not only fall in love with you, but who you can rely on as well to be with you?
If you’re not clear about the answers to those questions, then have a think about whether or not you want to be loved without being willing to love somebody in return yourself.
Love Yourself
And it follows, therefore, that what you might well need to do before trying to get a guy to love you, or fall head over heels in love for you, is to truly learn to love yourself.
That’s so important – we will have another post on this very soon, but meanwhile, ask yourself: do you think of yourself as really worthwhile, as good enough for the man you’re trying to seduce? Do you see yourself as equal to him? In fact, do you see yourself as an extremely valuable prize which he deserves to have?
If the answer to any of those questions is “no”, then perhaps you need to appreciate the good things about yourself more, and developer a higher self-esteem. This isn’t about you looking good, feeling fine, or being in with the “in-crowd” – it’s about how you feel about yourself at the deepest level.